He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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