I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
