I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
