why im i the only drunk person in the library?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
