Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
