I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
