he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
