so that wasnt chicken after all
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
