By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
