you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize