Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
