he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
