Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
