When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
