I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
