he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize