he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
