so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
