Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize