Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is wine microwaveable?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
