i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
