I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
