I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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