Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
