He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
