I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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