I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
