I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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