I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
