My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
