So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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