I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
