Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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