and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am available for nakedness
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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