Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
