Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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