***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
