Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
