the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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