I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
