so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
