Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
