It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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