we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
