the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
