I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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