Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Couch. On fire.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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