Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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