If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
