her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
