Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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