College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
