If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
