I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
