My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck appropriateness.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
