yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
