Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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