yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
