I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
