When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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