i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You smell like stripper and shame
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
