All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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