i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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