She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
