nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Someone signed my nipple.
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