Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry about my life...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
