I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
