i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
