I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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