Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
